The Bromace Lives On
by Tillthewheelsfalloff
Summary: Can Ryan hold onto the Wheels when Esposito is gone? He tries but he can't, only with the help of Castle, Beckett and Alexis can he continue. I do not own the TV show or any of the Characters. Warning: Talks of Death, suicide and therapy, rated for this.
1. Prologe

AN: My cousin came up with the title :).

"No bro...Don't leave me! Bro! Javier please...you can't, not now...not after everything...Javi..." Ryan pushed his hands against his partner's chest trying in vain to stop the bleeding.  
>Castle dropped the gun and stared at the other body. Scott Gates, the man who shot Javier. Castle shot him. His shaking hands pulled out his phone and rung 911 telling them where they were and two people had been shot, one was dead. Ryan was still begging Esposito to stay alive and awake, Castle didn't know what to do, he was shaking...he had just killed someone, this friend was dying. Hearing the sirens Castle ran out to meet the paramedics, but by the time the ambulance got there Kevin knew it was too late. Detective Javier Esposito was dead. On the way to the hospital Castle rung Beckett and told her what happened, he heard something hit the floor and Beckett said she'll meet them at the hospital.<p>

It had just been a simple case, a robbery gone wrong. Ryan and Esposito said they'll pick up the suspect Scott Gates, Castle was bored so he same. But Scott Gates was angry; he didn't want to go to prison so he pulled out a gun. Esposito reacted faster than Ryan and pushed him out the way, putting himself in the path of the speeding bullet.  
>Ryan sat in the hospital waiting room, he knew it was no use, he knew it was too late but he shook away those thoughts and tried to hope. He stared down at his hands covered with blood. Javi's blood. He didn't know how long he stared but only looked up when he heard a voice.<br>"We should get you cleaned up." Beckett said softly. Ryan stared up at her, how did she get here? She wasn't there with them when Javi was shot was she? Ryan allowed Beckett to lead him; he didn't look where she took him. He barely noticed the ice-cold water flowing over his hands as Beckett attempted to clean the blood off.  
>He was back in the waiting room with clean hands, but he could still feel the blood slowly drying. It was on his shirt, Javi's blood...<br>"Ryan, your freezing." He heard Castle from somewhere besides him, or maybe in front of him? He was vaguely aware of something heavy being placed around his shoulders but he paid no mind. He saw a Doctor walking towards them his face drawn and Ryan knew at that moment his life is never gonna be the same, he knew exactly what the Doctor was going to tell him.  
>"Detectives...Javier, it was too late...I'm sorry for your loss."<br>The world spun, his body felt a million miles away from his head. He could hear someone say "The Wheels Are Off." but he couldn't for the life of him work out who was speaking. He couldn't feel it; he had no body, no head...nothing. He was nothing without his partner. He distantly heard a voice from somewhere outside of his nothingness, he turned towards it and suddenly popped back into the real world. Beckett had sat him down on the floor, he was shaking, he was numb, nothing felt real.  
>"Can I see him?" He heard someone ask, it took him a minute to realize that was him that had spoke.<br>The Doctor look concerned for him but Ryan pulled himself to his feet with the silent help of Castle. The Doctor nodded and led the way. Beckett and Castle followed mostly giving Ryan something to hold onto. Letting Ryan inside the room, they closed the door behind them leaving Ryan alone with Javier's body.  
>His body.<br>Body.  
>Dead...<p>

He looked so peaceful, white sheet pulled up to his neck, eyes closed. The only thing giving him away was the colour of his skin.  
>He was pale. Too pale.<br>Ryan fell onto the seat besides the bed and found Esposito's hand from under the sheet. "Espo..." He whispered the name, "Javi..." he stated a bit louder, almost jumping at the sound of his own voice. "Wake up..." he knew it was no use. "Please." Javi wasn't going to get up. He was never going to call him honeymilk again. He was never going to insult him. Javier could never do anything again. ""Javi...your my best friend." Ryan hoped somewhere; somehow, Esposito could hear him. "I never told you what me and Jenny argued about that night a few weeks ago when I came to play Madden at your place did I?" Ryan let out a soft laugh, "Jenny wanted me to stay home. Spend the evening with her instead. Insane right? Miss, Madden nights? _Never_! I couldn't. They're the best nights of the week, even when you complain about the furniture..." Ryan let out another small laugh tears began spilling out his eyes, down his cheeks, but he barely noticed them, all he could see and feel was Esposito's hand in his own. He rubbed his thumb around the back of Esposito's hand. "I love you man. I'm not gay, no matter how much you insist I am. I'm not. But I love you; you're my best friend...My chocolate bear." Ryan smiled again and sniffed, "Remember watching that scrubs musical episode? Beckett caught us singing that...she never let us forget it...that was our song. Guy Love." Ryan stared at a tear drop as one fell and hit his hand; he stared at it as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world. "I just...Why did you do it man? You just pushed me out of the way...that bullet was meant for me...not you. _Me_." Ryan finally forced himself to look at Esposito's face. His eyes closed, "You always liked my eyes didn't you? You never mentioned it but I saw you, staring, not into my eyes, but _at_ them. You almost said it once before you caught yourself." Ryan pulled his chair closer, "I was gonna tell you tonight bro, at Madden Night, I managed to convince Jenny, your my best man. You're my best man at my wedding. Please be my best man." Ryan placed both his hands on Esposito's one hand. "Say hey to Montgomery from me would ya? And punch him in the face from Beckett. Duno what Castle would want you to do...hug him?" Ryan smiled sadly, "You weren't fond of Castle when he started, jealous of me liking him? I told you that you'll end up liking him. You did, you were close friends, not like us of course but still...he was our other partner. I'm gonna have to have another partner aint I? I don't want another partner. How did you deal with it after Ike? When you thought he had died, and you had to get another partner? How did you do it? I remember coming in my first day, you weren't very friendly but soon enough we got talking and you invited me for Madden nights..." Ryan let one of his hands free but kept his left hand clasped on Esposito's, he placed his spare hand on the side of the bed, "I guess this means the wheels are off? I don't want the wheels to be off. Were Partners bro, Partners 'til the wheels fall off. We still are, the wheels are still on, they can't fall off...I won't let them."  
>Ryan then released the man's hand and stood up to leave without a glance back, knowing that if he looked back he would have to be pulled kicking and screaming out of that room.<p>

Beckett saw Ryan come out of the room and rushed forward to help him, but Ryan refused her help; he just collapsed on the chair outside the room to exhausted to make his own way home trusting Castle and Beckett to tell him what to do. "Can I...?" Castle asked softly motioning towards the door. Beckett nodded knowing what he meant and she took a seat next to Ryan.  
>Castle walked into the darkened room and swallowed loudly. He sat in the chair that Ryan just vacated, "Esposito." Castle murmured saying his friends name in an exaggerated Spanish accent, "How you doing man? If you see any aliens up there telling to come down and say hey yeah?" Castle studied Esposito's face, just staring, he didn't know how much time went past until he spoke again, "When I started this research I thought, 'Yeah, maybe I'll meet a few nice people, make some friends' but I never thought I'd ever find a friend in anyone as I do in You, Ryan and Beckett. I...I never thought I'd ever see anyone I love shot and killed." Castle grabbed Esposito's hand in similar manner to Ryan, "I know you and I aren't as close as Ryan and you...you'd break Ryan out of prison, that's for sure. But your still one of my best friend's...when I realized what happened, that you were shot...I..." Castle released Esposito's hand and rubbed his own eyes trying to keep his tear back. He had to stay strong for Ryan, for Beckett, "I killed Scott Gates. When I saw you had been shot, I just...<em>shot<em> him. It'll go down as self-defence but...I could have got his arm, his leg, _anything_. I just shot him in his head, aims and hit. I felt so..._angry_...I just...bang." Castle rubbed at his eyes again trying to stop the tears, he killed a human being. It was...he'd injured someone before but never killed them. "If this is how I'm taking this then I dread to know how Ryan is." Castle sighed softly, "I'll miss you bro. Despite your hideous grammar, I love you, in a purely platonic way. I'll miss you." Castle stood up and took one last long look at Esposito's body before leaving, blinking away his tears.  
>Beckett immediately stood up and walked in without even looking at him. Castle took her seat besides Ryan. The other man was just staring without seeing; tears were streaming down his cheeks. Castle wanted to get home, to see Alexis, his mother, but he wanted to stay with Beckett and Ryan, until they were both ok.<p>

Beckett walked slowly, almost tentatively into the room. "Esposito?" she whispered carefully knowing she wouldn't get an answer. She sat down in the warm seat which both Ryan and Castle had both sat, she took Esposito's hand. "Hey." She said softly. "Thank you. When Lee Travis was killing those people with the sniper...it scared me. I wasn't ok. I wasn't ready. But you helped me get ready. You saved me Espo, do you know that? You _saved_ me." Beckett attempted to wipe away the tears but gave up knowing there was no point. "You and Ryan have been my best friends for years. Since you both joint the 12th, you came first. Ryan joined a while after. We all just got along perfectly. We fit. A perfect triangle, Castle came along and sat the middle of the triangle for a while, but somewhere along the line we became a square. A perfect square. We're can't be a square anymore. And we can't be a triangle. A triangle without you...it's _wrong_. But Ryan's gonna have to get a new partner...will the new partner try and join our square? Will we let him join our square? I don't want a square without you in it. You...you're the layer of _all_ the shapes. Without you shapes have no point. Shapes are just...drawings on a paper that don't mean a bloody _thing_! When you stare at them in Mathematics and think 'What the hell?' it's gonna be like that again. It made sense with you though. You made sense; you made it all make sense." Beckett squeezed his hand, wishing for him to squeeze back. "Sherlock. That's what you and Ryan were, Sherlock Holms and John Watson. Not sure who's who though. I'll let you know yeah?" Beckett sat staring at Esposito was a while, silently, "I love you. You're my best friend, you're just..._amazing_." Beckett lent forward and placed a kiss on his lips and then his forehead before leaving.  
>She made it outside the door before collapsing in Castle's arms, tears falling freely.<p> 


	2. Funeral

Ryan stared into space, hazily aware of Beckett besides him, Beckett changed into Castle before they were both together, hugging, drawing strength from each other. He wanted that, the strength from his friend. When something happened Esposito would just know and place a hand on his arm or just brush his arm against Ryan's, anything. It gave him the strength he needed to carry on.

The strength was dead.

Castle was waiting outside with Ryan when he suddenly found his arms full of Beckett, she was crying into his shoulder, he hugged her tightly and started murmuring comforting noises to her until she calmed down slightly, "I'm sorry." she apologized almost immediately wiping at her eyes.

"Hey, it's ok." Castle wiped away her tear carefully with his thumb.

"You should get home to Alexis and Martha. I can look after Ryan."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. Go. You need them."

Castle looked unsure but nodded and stood up to leave. He drove straight to his house and tried not to think about it, if he did he wouldn't be able to drive. If he thought about it he would break down. It was late, nobody was awake. He didn't expect them to be. He didn't think about the time he just needed someone to talk to, he went straight to Alexis' room and sat in the chair besides her bed. He didn't want to wake her but he needed to know she was ok, she was alive, she was, he knew that but...he lightly shook her arm. She slowly opened her eyes and smiled when she saw him, "Hey dad. Is it morning?"

"No I..." Castle faulted something in his face told Alexis that something serious was wrong, she sat up and switched on her bedside light to see his face properly, she saw the red eyes from resisted tears, she saw his whole body shaking, she wasn't sure if it was from the cold or fear or upset. She reached forward pulled him towards her onto her bed and pulled the duvet around his shoulder pulling him into her body hugging him close.

"What happened dad?"

"Esposito...he..." Castle suddenly found himself spilling his guts out, telling her about the case, thinking it was simple and they'd catch the killer in a day or two. Realizing the killer was harder to find than they expected, when they found a lead in Scott Gates, he went with Esposito and Ryan to bring him in. Scott didn't want to come, he was yelling all sorts of stuff, but Esposito was the first one to see what was about to happen. Esposito had just jumped towards Ryan pushing his shocked partner out the way when the gunshot went off. Castle had seen another gun in the corner and in a moment of anger he picked up that gun and pointed it towards Scott. The other man looked scared and confused, he had dropped his own gun in shock, he hadn't meant to shot anyone, he just didn't want to go to prison. With that thought spinning around his head, Castle pressed the trigger.

He turned back to Ryan and Esposito; there was so much blood...

An ambulance that was what was needed. An ambulance.

Castle had been staring at his hands the whole time he was speaking but as he finished Alexis placed her small hands in his large ones, he look up into her eyes and sure no Judgement, no pity. Just Love. "He deserved it Daddy." Was all she said before reaching forward and pulled him into a hug. In the hospital he stayed strong for Ryan and Beckett, but now with just his daughter to see he allowed his tears to fall. Crying into his daughters shoulder.

Crying for his lost friend.  
>Crying for his guilt.<br>Crying for Ryan and Beckett.  
>Heck, he was even crying for Montgomery.<br>He didn't know how long he was crying for but he finally pulled back and looked at his daughter, "Sorry, I should be the strong one, your dad, I should be strong."

"You can't always be strong Daddy. Not when you've just lost your friend. That why I'm here."

Castle smiled weakly at her, "When did you get so wise?"

"Must have come from you."

"Thank You." Castle said completely sincerely. Alexis knew he wasn't thanking her for the complement. "You should get back to sleep its..." he checked his watch, as he stood up giving her back the duvet, "5am...if you wanna skip school tomorrow I'll ring them." Alexis rolled her eyes but lay back down as Castle kissed her forehead. "I love you Alexis."

"I love you too Daddy."

Ryan didn't know how he got there but he suddenly found himself in his flat sitting on his sofa, the red one Esposito hated, he lightly prodded Esposito's old spot, his best friend. He looked around the room to see Beckett and Jenny talking quietly, Jenny put her hand over her own mouth in a shocked movement. Beckett pulled Jenny into a hug whispering something into her ear. Ryan attempted to read her lips, it said something about being strong but Ryan couldn't concentrate.

Beckett released Jenny and came over to Ryan and pulled him into a hug before saying goodbye. Ryan wanted to say 'no, don't go' but the words wouldn't come out. Beckett closed the door behind her before he could say it. He felt the couch dip and looked over, Jenny was sitting in Esposito's spot. He frowned at her, "That's his seat." He said simply he felt immediately guilty at the anger in his voice.

Jenny seemed to understand and moved to his other side. She placed her hand on his shoulder but he pulled away. "Kevin..."

"No I..." He couldn't find the words to describe what he wanted to say. But he knew he couldn't be there. He couldn't stand to see the pity in Jenny's eyes.

Guilt, anger and depression almost overwhelmed him and he had to get out. He stood up and ran out the flat, ran down the stairs, outside. He was vaguely aware of the rain but he didn't care. He welcomed the ice-cold raindrops as they hit his face, arms and legs. They let him feel, washed away his numb feeling. He didn't know where he was going but he didn't care. He just let his legs carry him, he found himself at the front of Esposito's building, the doorman James, smiled a greeting as he walked inside having meet Ryan enough times.

Ryan ignored the elevator and ran up the stairs, he needed to do something, he couldn't stand still, he reached Esposito's apartment and pulled the key out his pocket, he briefly wondered when he picked up his keys but didn't think about it too long. He unlocked the door and slowly stepped inside.

The husky smell of Esposito still lingered within the flat.

Ryan looked around the flat. It wasn't very much decorated, but enough to basically scream Esposito. Simple cream coloured walls, a dark brown 3 person sofa that they often sat in the middle of during Madden nights. A large 42" TV that was rarely used. The Xbox was always set up at the side of the TV. A small dark brown coffee table sat in the middle of the room. It was old, chipped and stained but Esposito refused to get rid of it. It was his Grandmothers.

Ryan walked towards the fireplace, on the mantelpiece sat a few photos, Esposito and Ike, the whole team, one before Castle another taken after Castle joined them.  
>But smack bang in the middle of the mantelpiece was a picture of the two of them, arms around each other's shoulder, both grinning at the camera. Ryan had the exact same picture in the same place. It was taken a few years ago, not long after Ryan himself joined the team and they had become partners.<p>

Ryan walked past the living room into the interconnected Kitchen, only blocked by a glass wall. It was a small kitchen with just the necessities.

Yes, that included a mini portable beer fridge, he remembered Esposito saying to him.

Ryan made his way down the hallway into Esposito's bedroom. The biggest room in the flat. Ryan had rarely been inside that room of course, but Esposito had once commented he should swap the bedroom and living room. To which Ryan had replied, "But then people would come in straight to your bedroom?"

_"Exactly." Esposito said, it took Ryan a moment to catch on but when he did he rolled his eyes._

_"So you want to bring me or...Castle through your bedroom?"_

_Esposito frowned then cringed, "Maybe not..."_

Ryan laughed sadly as he remembered that day; he smelt deeply, inhaling the smell of his best friend. It made him feel closer to the man. He slowly sat down on the bed, pushed his shoes off and lay down.

"Ryan?" Ryan was woken the next morning by someone speaking. Ryan frowned slightly, the room smelt different, like...Esposito. Ryan opened his eyes as the day before flooded back to him. He saw Beckett crouching besides the bed.

"Beckett? How'd you know I was here?"

"I went to see you after work but Jenny said last night you ran off. I knew you'd come here."

"After work?" Ryan frowned.

"It's 8 O'Clock. In the evening." Beckett explained softly. She spoke to him with the same voice she used when talking to family of the victim.

"Oh. I've been asleep. All day. I missed work. Sorry."

Beckett shook her head, "You should to take a few days off. Castle and I can work. Gates won't mind, Castle will get the Mayor on her back if she complains."

"But I need to do paperwork..." It was the last thing he wanted to do but he needed to.

"Castle finished all your paperwork today." Beckett explained. Ryan knew how much the writer hated paperwork and felt immediately grateful. "Take a few days off. If we need you, I'll ring you."

Ryan's eye filled with tears for what felt the millionth time as he realized something else, "He hasn't got any family...after his Grandma and parents...I need to plan his..." Ryan couldn't bring himself to say it.

"I'll help. Castle'll help." Beckett promised.

"Thank you."

Ryan held the coffin, Beckett at his side and Castle right behind him. Three other cops helped carry it, him.

Three of Esposito's friends.

He stood at the front, he wanted to speak at his partner's funeral, but he spent the week before the funeral having no idea what to say. He had tried writing it, but nothing worked. He couldn't find anything that made sense.

He stood at the front, Beckett and Castle at his sides, and suddenly he knew exactly what he wanted to say. "Javier...he was my partner, but he was more than that. He was my _bestfriend_. The only thing me and my Fiancée have ever argued over was whether or not I should go to his place to play Madden, like I did often." He looked past the audience, he knew there were shooters hiding, he couldn't see them but after Montgomery's funeral it was inevitable they wanted to be ready, just encase. Earlier he had asked Beckett her permission to quote her from Montgomery's funeral, she accepted. "Our Captain, Roy Montgomery, according to Kate, he once said, 'that there are no victory, only battles. And in the end the best we could hope for is to find a place to stand. And if we were very lucky we'd find someone to stand with us.' I found someone to stand with me. He stood at my side and _refused_ to leave. We only ever had _one_ serious fight but he still refused to leave me side," Ryan swallowed and saw everyone watch him, many people were crying. He looked towards Alexis, Castle's daughter. He'd only met her once or twice but she smiled and nodded at him, giving him the strength to finish. "Javi and I often said 'we're partners till the wheels fall off.' We just never thought the wheels would fall off. We were right, Javi might be gone but the wheels are still screwed on tightly. They _can't_fall off. He still is and always will be my partner. Thank You." With that, the coffin holding his best friend was slowly lowered into the ground.

Captain Gates gave him two more weeks after the funeral before calling him into her office. Ryan dreaded it knowing exactly what she was going to say. "It's time we found you another partner."

"With all due respect sir, I don't need another partner. Me, Beckett and Castle are fine working together."

"I'm sorry Ryan but for one thing Castle isn't an actual Detective and its protocol. I gave you as long as I could, I found someone who will make their way here for tomorrow."

Detective Thomas Webber. His new partner. They met in Gates' office and shook hands. He was a tall blonde man with brilliant blue eyes. Younger that Ryan, in his early 20's. Ryan was use to being the youngest out of their team. Ryan showed him around the place and introduced him to everyone he saw, including Castle and Beckett.

"Richard Castle? As in the writer?" Webber had asked.

"Yep. That would be me." Castle smiled, he loved meeting fans.

"Your books are fantastic!"

He was polite to his new partner but never welcoming. Ryan didn't want him there. They weren't partners. "Webber, time for us to see you on the field." Beckett told him with a small smile a few minutes later.

Two days later they'd solved another murder. Webber turned out to be a brilliant detective. But he wasn't Esposito. As soon as the day was over Ryan made his way to Esposito's apartment. The smell of him had faded considerably over the three weeks, but it still lingered.

Ryan sat down on the sofa and sighed, Esposito stated in his will that he left everything to him, Castle, Beckett and Lanie to argue over. But all his money was given to various charities and a few thousand left to him, Beckett and Lanie, Castle was only left out because he had enough money.

The front door slowly opened and Ryan sighed again, they had decided to look through his stuff today, Castle, Beckett and Lanie walked in.

"I want the table." Ryan said immediately without greeting them. Jenny would hate him for it but he _couldn't_ get rid of the thing. It was Esposito's most prised possession.  
>Castle frowned at the old looking thing but nodded, "All yours."<p>

They spent a few hours going through all his things and had six large cardboard boxes, sat in the living room. Two labelled Charity. The other four were Kevin, Richard, Kate and Lanie.

They found a box full of old pictures; Ryan had seen them before, Esposito's family.

They spent an hour just going through them, laughing at Ryan as he repeated stories Esposito had told him and Crying at memories of their friend.

They eventually decided Ryan should keep them because he had met Esposito's parents and grandma before the car crash that killed them all.

Another box held pictures of all his friends and they went through those crying and laughing some more. Before splitting up the pictures between them depending who was in the picture and who wanted what.

Most of the clothes went into the charity box except for the leather jacket that Esposito had put in his will _has_ to go to Ryan.

They found a small teddy dog at the back of the wardrobe. It was meant to be white but it was dirty, and old. The ears, a circle around the right eye, the nose and tail were all a dark brown colour. All the stuffing had either fallen out or just all gone into the head and paws. Beckett let out a laugh when she saw it. "Chubba." She stated before taking the thing and hugging it tightly.

"Wha-?" The other three all asked at once.

"It was a few months before you joined Ryan." Beckett stated, "Me and Esposito went to a fun fair together, no not on a date." she added when she noticed their disbelieving looks, "Just as friends and I won him this on the shoot at 'em. I just...never realized he'd kept it." She slowly placed the old looking dog into her box.

They then went through the books and DVD's. Castle couldn't help a loud laugh when he found Heat Wave with a bookmark in page 105.


	3. Jenny

Jenny knew it was coming but it still hurt like hell when it happened.

It had been one month since Esposito's murder. One month since Ryan seemed to have died along with his partner. She tried to help him but he wouldn't let her, she would wait, she was willing to wait. She loves him.

Ryan was sat on the sofa staring at the coffee table, Esposito's coffee table, the old ugly one. She didn't want it, but once he explained who's it was she didn't complain. He had let her have her on way with most of the furniture so she let him have this one; Esposito was her friend as well.

She sat down next to him and nuzzled into his side. His only reaction was to glace at her not even put his arm around her like he used to. They sat in silence for a while until Jenny switched on the TV to start watching Americas got Talent. Ryan was watching but he wasn't paying attention, his eyes had glazed over.

"He used to have a right laugh at some of these people." Ryan said suddenly, Jenny was relived he that he'd even said something; he rarely spoke anymore, only when he had to. "Beckett would yell at him for watching re-runs at work. Though I'd somehow get the blame for it when Montgomery found out. He seemed to find that hilarious. Although whenever it _was_ my fault for anything he would immediately take the blame, without hesitation. So I didn't complain."

Jenny didn't know what to reply to that, but she sensed that what Ryan was going to say next, she wouldn't like it. She leaned forward and pressed her lips on his, more to stop him from continuing than anything else, but he gently pushed her away and looked right into her eyes, for the first time since the shooting.

"Jenny...I...I'm sorry but I can't do this."

"No. Please..." Her eyes filled with tears.

"I'm not gonna be the same Jenny. Maybe one day...but I don't want you waiting for me. You should go meet someone else. Be happy."

"But...I'm only happy with you. I love you..."

"I love you to...But I _can't _do this. I'm sorry." With that Kevin Ryan packed a small overnight bag and left his apartment, and his sobbing fiancé behind.

Alexis was the only one at home when she heard the knock, her dad was with Beckett and her Gran teaching her acting class. She opened the door and looked questionably at the man the other side, she took in his ruffled clothes and tear stained face, "Kevin? Hello"

"Oh, hi Alexis, is your dad in?" Ryan tried to sound calm, non-chalet but he struggled to keep his voice from breaking.

"No, he's with Kate at the moment. Do you want to come in?" Alexis offered, he nodded in hope and she smiled and stepped back allowing him entrance. "Coffee?" she offered once he was inside.

"Please." He closed the door behind himself as Alexis went into the kitchen. He followed her feeling slightly awkward but he didn't know where else to go. It was here or to Beckett's, where apparently Castle was, or a hotel but he didn't know if he could be alone at the moment, he didn't know what he would do.

"Sit down on the couch, relax and make yourself comfortable." Alexis offered trying to make the man relax slightly. He did as he was told but didn't relax. He hadn't relaxed in too long. As she made the coffee, Alexis' mind took her back to the funeral. Ryan had been speaking but he faltered and looked as if he couldn't continue but then he looked right at her as if begging for help. She gave him a small smile and a nod, just a tiny bit of encouragement which seemed to help him carry on, she didn't understand how _she_ was the one to help him, yes he had once comforted her but still...She considered Ryan a good friend. She hadn't seen him since the funeral but she knew from her dads comments that he hadn't been doing very well.

With two cups of coffee made she went back into the living room and handed him one. She took the seat opposite him but didn't stare and made sure her body language was open and relaxed, giving him the option to talk if he wanted to and not make him uncomfortable.

"I left my fiancé." Ryan said softly, so quietly that Alexis wasn't sure if she heard right.

"Why?" Alexis asked just as softly but slightly louder, making the tone of her voice show that he had the option to reply if he wanted to.

"Because...I want her to be happy."

"And she won't be happy with you?" Alexis asked not really understanding.

Ryan shook his head. "After...After Javi. I'm never gonna be the same. Jenny thinks she can deal with it. Wait for me to be at least _slightly_ back to normal, but she'll grow to resent me. We'll end up arguing. Hating each other. This way it stops early."

Alexis wasn't sure how to reply to that, she knew he wouldn't respond to pity, or comments like 'I'm sure it'll work out.' She knew he was wrong and would regret his actions later but he wouldn't listen to her.

So instead she did what she would do with anyone, did what he once did for her. Took his coffee and put it on the table before moving to sit next to him and pulled him in for a hug. He stiffened at first but then relaxed and hugged her back. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Ryan pulled back. "Thank you."

Alexis smiled softy, "Do you wanna stay tonight?" She saw his slight amused look and realized what she said, blushing immensely she struggled to correct herself. "I mean, in the _spare room_! I'm assuming that's why you came, to ask to stay for a few days? I'm sure dad won't mind. I'll go set up the spare room?" Without waiting for an answer Alexis rushed off upstairs.

Ryan sat on the sofa watching the red head bobbling up the stairs; her face was as red as her hair, he liked Alexis she was a nice girl very much like Castle-the more responsible stubborn side of Castle. He had only met her a few times most meetings were brief when she was at the Precinct looking for Castle. Some longer meets when he and the others were playing poker at Castle's or at the hospital after Beckett was shot.

Josh had stormed off, Esposito was comforting Lanie, Martha was comforting Castle and Beckett's Dad-Jim. Alexis looked completely lost, scared, pale and shaking; Ryan wondered if the young girl had ever seen someone be shot so he just walked towards her and put his hand on her shoulder in a comforting manner. Alexis turned her head to see who it was and when she realized she smiled sadly at him and leant into the touch, knowing what she needed he pulled her into a hug holding her, he saw Castle look up at them, Ryan looked at him silently questioning if this was ok, Castle mouthed 'Thank You'. It was a while later the Doctor came over to talk to them and tell them Beckett's alive.  
>They never mentioned it but he knew at that moment he'd formed a new relationship with the girl, in a completely un-romantic way. Only showing it in small ways such she would greet him by his first name and always say hello if she saw him at the precinct or in the streets or they would smile at each other more often.<p>

Alexis came downstairs a few minutes later bringing Ryan out of this thoughts, "It's sorted." She told him smiling.

"Thank You." Ryan said again, "Are you sure Castle won't mind?"

"You wouldn't have come here if you thought dad would mind." Alexis told him in a roundabout way of saying that Castle won't mind. "I'm starving. Have you eaten dinner?"

"Um...no." Ryan frowned; he couldn't remember the last time he'd eating _anything_, he hasn't been very hungry. "I'm not really hungry."

Alexis looked him up and down taking in his too skinny form and knew exactly what he was thinking, "When was the last time you ate something?" she asked as if reading his thoughts.

"Um..." Ryan considered lying but realized Alexis would see through it. "I can't remember." he admitted.

Alexis' frown deepened. "Right what do you fancy? I make fantastic Castle waffles. Or Pasta? What about Pasta?"

"Um...anything really. Pasta sounds good..."

Alexis got to work boiling the water for Pasta. As she worked and when they were eating they talk about anything. Ryan felt good just having meaningless small talk for the first time in a while, he tried to answer with full sentences instead of the one word answer's he'd been giving lately but he struggled. Thankfully Alexis tried her hardest to keep the conversation alive. They continued the talk for a while and Ryan offered to help Alexis with her homework which she accepted gratefully. "Alright. Time for bed. Thanks for your help." Alexis announced with a yawn standing up. When Ryan stood up as well she smiled at him, "Your rooms at the end of the hall, help yourself to anything you need."

"I'll just get a drink." Ryan murmured walking towards the fridge as Alexis jogged up the stairs saying Goodnight as she went. He padded up the stairs a few minutes later and saw a door with a piece of paper stuck on it with blue tack. The paper read, 'Detective Kevin Ryan. Spare Oom. Never gotten to Narnia through the Wardrobe yet.' Ryan couldn't stop a small smile playing at his lips when he realized she had underlined yet. But it quickly turned back into a frown as he walked inside the lonely room.

When he woke the next morning, the day before hit him, he smiled at the new memories of talking with Alexis but then he thought of Jenny. He left her, and he couldn't go back. Last night he had a bit of a laugh with Alexis but he didn't feel normal, he had just pushed back the sad feelings for a few hours and it felt _exhausting_.

Now he has to go into work with Webber. Every time he has to introduce him as 'his partner' he wants to cry. Webber cannot have wheels, not with Ryan. Ryan's wheels are with one person and one person only.

Javier Esposito.

He sighed and pushed himself out of bed determined to try and at least survive for Beckett, Castle and Alexis more than for himself.

Castle had gotten home pretty late, or he should say earlier that morning and found two unwashed plates in the sink. He assumed it was his Mother until he saw a note on the fridge that said 'Gone out with the drama class. Won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. Gran x'

He decided to ask Alexis in the morning, she most likely had a friend round. He made his way to bed thinking about the past few hours.

He had gotten home before he had realized something about the murder, the case the vic's mother had mentioned that James had been carrying a briefcase around for a few months, rarely putting it down. It was nowhere to be found, so he rushed off to Beckett's texting Alexis that he'd be home late. They went to the crime scene to investigate and didn't find anything useful. Beckett invited him back to hers for a drink and of course he accepted, he couldn't not. Nothing happened; they just talked, about everything. They cried together and laughed together. Their emotions ran high as they got very drunk, until Beckett passed out as she cried into his shoulder for what felt like the 100th time that night. Castle carried her to bed and tucked her in. He kissed her forehead and murmured "I love you." Before he then made himself comfortable on the sofa not ready to go home yet. He woke up at 5am and realized he should get home before Alexis wakes up. Writing a quick note to Beckett, saying 'Sorry Kate, I should head home to check on Alexis, I'll see you later. x' he made his way home hollering a taxi not trusting himself to drive. He'll pick the car up later.

He sat down on the sofa and sighed at he thought about the night, he should have said something to her when she was awake. He was too much of a coward. What if she doesn't feel the same? What if she does?

He switched the Television on and started watching boring morning TV, not really paying attention. He heard movement upstairs and decided to make Alexis some pancakes. He heard footsteps coming down a few minutes later once the batter was finished. He walked into the main room to greet his daughter, "Alexi-Ryan?"

"Castle, hi."

"Hello?" Castle frowned as a million different scenarios of Ryan being at his house over night flashed through his head. Castle's confusion and anger grew as the only reason Castle could form was 'Alexis'. "Wha-?"

"I left Jenny." Ryan said simply. "I didn't know where else to go, I came to look for you but Alexis said you went out, but she offered for me to stay for a few days, till I can get somewhere else sorted. Though, if you don't want me to its ok."

Castle relaxed a considerable amount and smiled at his friend as he realized he had been a bit rash for a moment. "No, no, its fine...I just thought Alexis..."

Ryan frowned in confusion before he realized what Castle was getting at. "Oh! No..._no_. Not that."

"Good." Castle frowned as he realized what Ryan had said, "Hold on...you broke it off with Jenny? _Why_ the _hell_ would you do _that_?"

"I just...I don't wanna talk about it...sorry."

"Is it because of Esposito? Because he would want you to continue and be happy."

"No. Castle, I don't wanna talk about it _alright_?" Ryan snapped. He looked up at Castle and the writer looked a little hurt and upset. "Sorry man. I didn't mean to snap...I've just...I've been feeling so..." Ryan waved his hands around for a moment trying to describe his feelings.

Castle smiled but the twinkle in his eyes wasn't there. It hadn't been there since Esposito died. "It's ok. You can stay here as long as you need."

"Thank you...I'll try and sort things out for a few days but..."

Castle put a hand on Ryan's arm stopping him, "_As long as you need_."

"Thank You."


	4. Arguments

Beckett hadn't fallen asleep yesterday. She had just stopped crying and felt to exhausted and comfortable in Castle's arms to move, her breathing slowed to meet his as she struggled to keep tears back. When Castle whispered, asking whether or not she was awake she didn't trust her voice enough to speak without crying so stayed silent. Castle slowly moved and she expecting him to make her comfortable on the sofa, maybe put a blanket on her before going home, but instead she felt herself being shifted and pulled into strong, _warm_ arms. She could help snuggling into his warm chest but Castle didn't react likely thinking it's a natural subconscious reaction to gravitate towards warmth. She felt herself being placed in the cool bed and struggled not to sigh in disappointment. Her shoes and socks were slipped off and the duvet was pulled up to her chin. She thought Castle had left when she felt damp lips press against her forehead, "I love you." Castle had whispered believing she was asleep before he left the room.

Beckett tossed and turned the entire night unable to get Castles confession out of her head. She'd heard it before of course, but she was dying at that point and had been pretending that she couldn't remember since then. She had doubts thinking that maybe Castle had just said it because she was dying and didn't mean it. But now...all her doubts were gone, he loves her. Does she love him back? Yes. What was she going to do about the feelings? No idea. As she thought about that she suddenly felt guilty, thinking about herself and a possible relationship with the writer, when Esposito had died only a month ago. But then she realized Esposito would be happy, he was always making fun of the two of them but behind his jokes Beckett knew he was hinting.

Some point during the night she had slipped into the realm of sleep, when she woke and climb out of bed she was nervous, un-sure of what to say to Castle, she wasn't sure if he had left and gone home. The living room was empty of her partner as was the kitchen. She noticed a throw cover was folded on the arm of the sofa with a note placed on top. She couldn't help her girlish grin when she saw that he'd put a kiss before rolling her eyes at herself. It's just a letter, not a kiss an 'x' it doesn't mean anything. Despite thinking that, she couldn't stop her small smile.

She climbed into the shower letting the water wash over her as she thought about the night before.

It had been so...intimate; they had spoken about anything and _everything_. Beckett was completely honest. She told him that without him, she didn't know what she would do, she told him about her guilt of not being about to save Esposito, of not being about to save Montgomery, of her guilt to her mother that she hasn't been able find her killer. Throughout all of it Castle tried to convince her that it wasn't her fault. None of it was. Castle admitted some of his own guilt that he couldn't save his friend, his guilt that he had killed Scott, guilt that it was his own fault she was shot because he had brought back her mother's murder, he looked into it when he had _no right_ to do that, before he even knew her that well.  
>Beckett had been shocked at the last one, Castle thought it was <em>his<em> fault she was shot? Thinking back Beckett realized that she hadn't given him much reason not to think so, after the shooting she didn't speak to him for months...he must have thought because she was angry at him.  
>When finding this out she yelled at him, completely bewildering him, but she was angry, so very angry that he would blame himself. She realized that over the past few months he had looked tired, more than he should and realized the writer must have been holding all of this in, being strong for her. Always for her, never letting himself grieve properly.<p>

Once the confessions were over with they had more wine before sharing memories of Esposito and Montgomery causing laughter and more tears.

She had her shower, did her hair and make-up and got dressed before making her way to work. Once she arrived she found Castle and Ryan already there, "Hey." She greeted them both, she felt herself blush as she met Castle's eyes. It wasn't just his confession making her blush, it was the whole night. She had never shown so much emotion in front of _anyone _before yesterday. But last night she had just let down her wall trusting Castle not to abuse it.

"Morning." Castle greeted with a smile, not mentioning her obvious red cheeks or the night before, going with their silent agreement not to speak about it, at least not around others. Ryan just nodded in her general direction looking as if he had the whole world on his shoulders. Webber walked not long after Beckett and greeted everyone sleepily.  
>They spent the day trying to figure out the murder, Castle and Beckett explained the case to Ryan and Webber. "So the murderer took the brief case." Webber stated.<p>

"But why? James' mom said it was just a work case, with his tools in." Beckett said.  
>"Hold on, this guys a <em>builder<em> and he carried in _tools_ in a _brief_case?" Castle asked.  
>Beckett frowned re-thinking about it. "That is strange." She agreed.<p>

"Maybe, he just told his Mom that what he did and she went along with it...because she's his mother?" Webber suggested with a small shrug.

"Then what was _really_ in the case?" Beckett asked herself quietly, but loud enough for the guys to hear.

"Spy equipment." Castle replied almost immediately. Beckett felt immediately relieved to hear one of Castle's crazy theories for the first time in a while.

"Different to aliens." Beckett replied with a teasing smile.

"Or Mob hit." Ryan added speaking for the first time since Beckett had arrived.

"What?" Webber asked sounding and looking dumbfounded.  
>"Popular theories." Beckett explained briefly making the man even more confused. Ryan knew he should explain a bit more but he couldn't. The only time he'd spoken with his partner was when they were on a job or when he absolutely <em>had<em> to. Webber had tried a few times asking if he wants to go out for a drink or something but he refused every time. He couldn't do it. Not yet.

"Maybe..." Beckett started but trailed off, having no idea.  
>"The brother." Castle said suddenly, this time his voice was serious. The three detectives looked at him funny.<p>

"What brother?" Beckett asked.

"I don't know. But at their house I saw pictures, _two_ babies, _two_ toddlers, _two_ young children. Twins it looked like. But nobody ever mentioned a brother or sister. And the parents won the lottery, fair recently right? 3 years ago wasn't it?"

"So 3 or more years ago there was an argument with this brother..." Beckett said catching on.

"And the brother left, not speaking them for a while."

"When his parents won the lottery he was angry but ignored it for a while thinking it didn't matter. He didn't need their money."

"But he maybe...lost his job? Became low on money so tried to get back into the family hoping they will give him the money he needs."

"The parents knew he just wanted money and threw him out."

"Also telling him he was written out of the will."

"James, being a good brother went to speak with him, taking money in the briefcase? Stolen from his parents."

"But the brother got angry and blamed _everything_ on James. Calling him the favourite and that it was all his fault, he didn't deserve to live."

"So he killed him."

The two turned to see Webber watching them amazed. Ryan was already on his computer searching for a brother or sister to James Taylor, knowing by know that Castle and Beckett's theories were almost always right.

"Wow." Webber said eventually.

"You'll get used to it." Ryan told the man...his partner. "Yep. John Taylor, born on the 23rd June 1992, same day as John. Born in the same hospital...to the same parents. His twin brother."

"Right. Where is he?" Beckett asked pulling her coat on.

"North of Lex, 13th." Ryan told her.

"Castle and I will go pick him up. Find out what you can."

They caught the guy and it turned out Castle and Beckett were right. James had been going to visit John everyday with a case full of money, money stolen from his parents. John refused it every time. He wanted money but he couldn't steal it. But then one day he just _snapped_. James wouldn't leave him alone and he reminded him too much of the past.

"Well done." Webber congratulated Castle and Beckett, "That was quite amazing."

"Thanks." Beckett said distractedly. Her and Castle spoke a little on the drive to pick John up. Castle told her that Ryan had split with Jenny. She walked towards Ryan and sat down beside him, her body language told everyone within earshot of the desk better get out quickly, with the help of Castle they did, leaving the immediate area around Beckett and Ryan. Ryan looked up at her and smiled, his smile was completely and utterly fake. "You broke up with Jenny?"

Ryan sagged in his seat sighing, "Castle told you huh?"

"Yeah he told me! Why the _hell_ did you do _that_?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Ryan tried to dismiss turning away from her.

"The hell you don't! Ryan, you need to start talking about these things, otherwise you might crawl inside this little Esposito _bubble_ you got going on and you might _never_ come out!"

Ryan quickly turned back towards her and his eyes were shining with tears. "What if I don't wanna come out? What if I'm happy where I am?"

"That exactly it! You're _not_ happy!"

"What do you want me to do? Have a party? My best friend died last month! He _died_ Kate!" The tears spilt over his cheeks but he didn't notice. This was the first time he'd said the actually words out loud. It was too real. "And he's never coming back! How would you feel if that was Castle? It could have been."

"You don't think I've already lost someone I _love_? Are you forgetting about my Mom? I crawled inside her murder and Esposito help me crawl out, I loved him for that. Heck I loved him for _him_! Not in a romantic way, But I loved him, I _love_ him. He was my friend course I did! I'm still grieving him and I'm struggling Ryan. I'm really _struggling_ to keep it together. But I do. I have to, he would want me, _us_, to keep it together, to _live_ our lives!"

"You don't think I'm _trying_ to keep it together? I am! But without him...I rolled towards your desk expecting him to stop me yesterday. But of course he _didn't_. I've come into work every day and got _two_ mugs out for him and me, but I have to put one back because he's _not_ here! Every time I do that I want to break down, to grieve some more for him but I _don't_. I come to work, do what I'm supposed to and I do it well. Can't we just leave it at that?"

"No Kevin. You're just going through the motions. You need to _live_!"

"I can't! Not without him."

"_Yes_ you can. I thought I couldn't live without my Mom. But I could, I thought I needed to find her killer, avenge her murder to be happy but I haven't and I'm happy. Yes, I'll _always_ have a hand or foot inside the case, if I find any other leads I'll follow them, but I'll come out, I grieved and I've continued to _live_. That's what you need to do." Beckett grasped his hands holding them tight and looking into his eyes.

"I don't want to come out." Ryan stated sounding like a sulking child.

"Neither did I. But once I'm out, I've realized its better. It's time to live my life. Heck, it's become much harder since the murder re-surfaced and being shot. But I continued, thanks to the help of you, Castle and Esposito. It's a good world. Hard but good."

"It's Esposito-less."

"Yes." Beckett agreed, the tears in her own eyes spilling over and splashing onto their clasped hands. "It's time you accepted that."

"I can't...the wheels are still on!"

"You need to let the wheels go. You can still be partners without the wheels."

"But we said _until_ they fall off...I can't let them fall..."

"Yes you _can_." Beckett squeezed his hands and looked him in the eyes. "You can let them fall. But Esposito will catch them. And hold onto them as he waits for you and expects you to have a _long_ and _happy_ life."

"I can't...I just..." Ryan couldn't take it anymore. He stood up and ran out, using the stairs instead of the elevator just wanting to get there quickly and not stand still.

They started quietly but soon got louder and louder until they were yelling at each other, Castle tried to convince people not to listen but he couldn't help overhearing, they were yelling.

_"How would you feel if this was Castle? It could have been."_

_"You don't think I've already lost someone I love?"_

_Someone I love?_ Castle spun around and started to watch the two knowing he shouldn't, knowing he should let them talk privately, or as privet as they could be surrounded by cops. They both had tears streaming down their cheeks, Beckett grasping Ryan's hands. They quietened down and then Ryan suddenly stood and ran out, almost knocking Castle over in the process. "Alright. Shows over!" Castle yelled as everyone continued to stare at Beckett and the direction or Ryan. He joined Beckett at Ryan's desk and laid his hand on the small of her back leading her towards the break room.

"Everyone heard that then?" She asked without looking at him.

Castle shoo'd a few people out so they could be alone and started making coffee, "You got slightly..._loud_."

"Ah. Woops."

"Woops." Castle agreed. "You were right though. We need to help Ryan get through this."

"I don't know _how_. Esposito was the one to talk to. He would most likely slap Ryan and tell him to get on with his life and go snog Jenny."

"I'm assuming Ryan and Esposito-right were very close?" Webber asked carefully as he joined them in the room, he knew they must have been close due to the sadness in Ryan's eyes and the refusal to get to know Webber himself.

Beckett laughed almost menacingly, "_Very_. As close as two guys can get without being gay, heck they were _closer_ than that."

"And Ryan's taking his death really hard." Castle added with a sigh as he handed Beckett her coffee and offered Webber one.

Ryan made his way to his car and he drove. He didn't know where he was going he just drove.

It was a few hours later Ryan made his way back to Castle's with two pots of pills in his pocket. Maybe he should do it somewhere else; he didn't want Alexis seeing his body. But then would anyone find him if he checked into some hotel? Would anyone stop him? No, he didn't want to be stopped. Did he?

He briefly considered using his gun, but that felt too...cliché.

Ryan pushed the door open with the key Castle had given him that morning. He saw a note on the fridge.

'Alexis and I have gone out for dinner. Back later. Help yourself to anything you want Kev. Mother, don't be surprised if you see Det. Ryan here.  
>C &amp; A x'<p>

Ryan heard footsteps come towards him, "Ah Detective Ryan yes?"

"Yeah." Ryan smiled slightly at the woman in front of him; they had met a few times by never spoken.

"Martha Rodgers. Richards Mother."

"Nice to meet you properly for once." Ryan shook her hand.

"Right darling. I've got to get going; when Castle get home could you tell him I've gone on a date. Won't be home till late?"

"Sure." Ryan accepted fully knowing he wouldn't be alive when Castle and Alexis get home.

"Thank you." Martha said smiling before heading back upstairs to get ready. She felt something was wrong with the detective but she was in too much of a rush to think over it for long.

It was a few hours later Ryan was alone in Castle's flat trying to write his suicide note.

He finally gave up and wrote:

'My wheels don't work without his. Sorry... X'

He stuck it on the fridge and made his way into the spare room.

Sitting down on the bed he stared at the bottles of pills. 'For an adult Take 2 or 3.' it said on the side of the packet. He smirked at it. He was gonna take a few more than that.  
>He heard the door open and close and realized he has to get on with it. He opened the small bottle and raised it to his mouth as he heard something crash downstairs. "Here it goes."<p> 


	5. Therapy

After Beckett and Ryan's argument Beckett told Castle and Webber they should go home, there was nothing left to do expect paperwork. So as he left the precinct Castle rung Alexis and told her he fancied going out, just the two of them. Alexis accepted happily and told him to pick her up from school. They had a great evening it was nice for Castle to get away from everything that had happened and be normal, for a few hours and Alexis knew him well enough not to mention anyone from the precinct. It felt like the old days before Beckett and the cops.

They had Pizza together and the stopped off to have some ice cream at an old fashioned Ice Cream parlour Castle had found a few weeks ago.

They finally decided it was time to get home, "Drink?" Castle offered his daughter as they walked through the door; he took his shoes off at the door next to Alexis'. He made his way towards the kitchen while looking around looking for his Mother or Ryan but they were nowhere to be seen.

"Mm, cola please." Alexis answered as she sat down on the sofa. Castle nodded and opened the fridge getting a bottle of beer for himself and a bottle of coke for Alexis before closing it with his shoulder. He pulled his note off the fridge before he noticed a new note.

'My wheels don't work without his.  
>Sorry. . x'<p>

He had to read it two times over before he realized what those 8 words meant, he dropped the bottles that were in his hands barely noticing the pain as they hit his feet and smashed. He ran up the stairs as fast as his legs would allow. Alexis heard the bottles drop and saw her Father suddenly dash up the stairs she jumped up and followed right behind him un-sure of what was going on, knowing it wasn't dangerous for her otherwise Castle would have told her to stay back.

They ran into Ryan's room and Castle immediately slapped him around the face, _hard_, making him drop the bottle of pills and spit out the few that managed to get into his mouth. He stared up at him. "You foolish _idiot_!" Castle yelled at him slapping him again. Alexis stared at the pills on the floor as she realized what Ryan had almost done, she wondered how her Father knew, suicide note maybe?

"Ow?" Ryan replied rubbing his cheek looking up at Castle with shock in his eyes.

"Your right it hurts! It _should_! What the _hell_ were you _thinking_?" Castle rarely yelled. It wasn't directed at her but is caused Alexis to feel un-nerved by it. She had seen her dad angry at others before, but he _never_ shouted.

"That I don't want to live without him." Ryan answered his voice detected, no emotion.

"Well you have to!" Castle was still yelling and Alexis lent back against the wall and stared at Ryan uneasily worried about him. She watched Ryan's face, his eyes opened wider and his whole body went slack as it hit him, realization of what he almost did. He started shaking and Alexis had to resist the urge to hug him knowing that it wasn't the right thing to do. Not yet.

"You have to." Alexis repeated her dad's words. "I'll admit I didn't know Esposito very well, but I know he would want you to carry on."

"He would." Ryan agreed. He looked down at the pills spread on the floor as if it had been them that had convinced him to commit suicide, as if they caused all his problems.

"So don't throw your life away." Castle uttered tenderly, his voice suddenly quiet, soft, and a bit rough from the yelling. "It's only been a month I know but it's time that you maybe start really _trying_ to move on."

"How?" Ryan asked, his voice shaking, he reminded Alexis of a terrified child and Alexis gave into the urge and sat next to him pulling him into her. Castle sat him his other side and placed his hand on Ryan's back lightly rubbing, comforting him.

"The best way to start it to talk about it," Castle continued after a moment keeping his voice smooth and soothing, "A physiologist. If moneys a problem I can pay. I don't mind." Castle offered sincerely. Ryan considered this and stared at the pills scattered on the floor.

He went over the past month in his head. He was boarding on depression; he almost committed suicide for God sake! He picked up the second pack of pills and threw them at the door before he burst into tears. He had cried a lot through the past month but these tears were different. There was happiness mixed with sadness. It was time to let the wheels go. "Thank You." He said finally. Completely and utterly sincerely. He wasn't even sure what he was thanking them for. For stopping him? For comforting him? For staying with him during his time? All of the above? He didn't know.

Alexis and Castle both sat next to him rubbing his back making soothing noises for hours, somewhere during it Ryan blacked out completely exhausted.  
>It was the first night he slept peacefully in a month.<p>

Beckett had just gotten into bed snuggling under the duvet when her phone rang she sighed and reached on to the bedside table and considered pressing 'ignore' it until she saw the ID, "Castle?" she said as she answered holding back a yawn.

"He tried to overdose." Castle got straight to the point.

"What?" Beckett yelped in surprised suddenly wide awake sitting up in bed.

"Alexis and I got home...he left a note on the fridge and..." Castle trailed off knowing she could fill in the blanks.

"Where is he now?"

"Asleep. I think he didn't really think about what he was doing. Afterwards he seemed to realize what he almost did and he agreed to go to therapy. But..." He drifted off once again.

"Should I tell Jenny?"

"Have spoken to Jenny today?" Castle asked as the thought came to him. After he found out what Ryan had done he was more worried about Ryan than Jenny.

"Yeah. I rang her earlier. She's devastated." Beckett explained gently, "She's gone to her parents for a few days."

"Don't tell her yet." Castle decided, "Let Ryan decide what to do when he's in a better mind frame." He felt a bit strange telling Beckett what to do instead of the other way around. "I don't mind him staying here for as long as he needs."

"Alright. Do you want me to come down?"

"No, it's alright I just thought you should know."

"Thank you." Beckett sighed on the other end of the phone line. "Oh God. What if it was our argument that sent him over the edge?"

"No." Castle said fiercely, determined not to let her blame herself. After their talk the other day he knew she blamed herself _way_ too often. "If he was going to do it, he'd thought about it before. It was mostly likely leaving Jenny that pushed him over the edge. Also, he wanted to be found, _stopped_."

"How'd you figure?" Castle could hear her confusion through the phone.

"He did it here. In my flat. And he waited for Alexis and I to get home, we were out for a few _hours_. Maybe he just got back I don't know. But he also left the note on the _fridge_ instead of by himself, too easy to be found and stopped."

"I hope your right Castle...Thanks for letting me know. Let him know to take as long as he needs before he comes back to work."

"I will." Castle heard the beep her end as she cut off the phone, ending the conversation.

"How'd she take it?" Castle jumped, Alexis was stood behind him in the doorway holding a small box.

"Blamed herself, they had an argument earlier." Castle told his daughter with a sigh, lighting tapping his bed and Alexis sat down next to him leaning into his side with a sigh.

"It wasn't her fault." Alexis was sure, she hadn't heard the argument but she knew.

"I know. I just hope I can convince Kate of that." Castle sighed but kissed the top of his daughters head. "You better get to bed kiddo, you've got school tomorrow."

"After, I've taken care of your feet." Alexis laughed lightly as Castle looked at his own feet in surprise. His socks were stain with beer, cola and a little bit of blood.

"Huh." He suddenly felt the pain of the glass, he hadn't thought about it he'd been distracted by Ryan and needing to talk to Beckett. Rolling her eyes Alexis opened the box she'd been holding and Castle realized it was a first aid kit; she climbed off the bed and pulled his socks off, Castle frown in pain and disapproval. "I'll do that sweetie, shouldn't be your job."

Alexis snorted, "Last time you tried to fix your own injuries you ended up with an infection. I'll do it dad." Castle laughed and rolled his eyes.

"Thank you sweetie." Castle winced as she pulled a small shard of glass from his foot.

That night Castle used all his contacts until he found the best physiatrist money can buy and booked an appointment for the next day.

When Ryan woke up he came downstairs and looked very embarrassed refusing to meet Castle's eye. "Hey." Castle said softly staring at the man until he finally responded.

"Hey. Castle, Man...I'm sorry about yesterday. I just..."

"Don't apologize. Just...I found the best Physiatrist money can buy. All I want is for you to go. Try it. I booked you a session tonight at 7."

"I can't pay for that." Ryan tried, shaking his head.

"_I'm_ paying. I'll pay for all your sessions." Castle told him, it was more of a statement than an offer.

"But..."

"Ryan...you're _going_." Castle ordered with authority in his voice that was rarely used. He seemed to be using lots of different voice's that are rarely used. The detective nodded, agreeing. "Thank you." Castle said sincerely.

"So work?" Ryan tried un-subtly changing the subject, Castle allowed it.

"Do you want to take a few days off? Beckett said you can." Castle asked, Ryan heard the un-said 'I told Beckett by the way'.

Ryan shook his head. "If I'm not staying busy...I might do it again."

"Alright. You don't mind that I told Beckett?" Castle asked to be sure.

Ryan shook his head again, "I expected you would. I just hope she doesn't blame herself because of our argument." Castle decided not to tell him that she did.

Ryan walked into work later that day with Castle at his side arms lightly brushing. Ryan knew Castle was so close on purpose, to give him comfort. He noticed Castle was wincing as he walked but then remembered the glass breaking. After he had sat down by his desk Beckett leaned on the desk besides him, "Ryan, look at me." Beckett ordered. Ryan looked up at Beckett, his eyes showing everything she needed to know. His regret and shock at what he had almost done. His resignation of having to deal with Esposito's death, but his hope that maybe he could with their help. She didn't say anything; she just pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry." she whispered into his ear. "If our argument..."

"No." Ryan said fiercely, his voice strong than it had been in weeks. Lightly pushing her back and meeting her eye, "It wasn't you...it's just...I don't know...but don't blame yourself. It _wasn't_ you." Beckett smiled weakly at him and he smiled back.

Ryan and Castle sat in the waiting room; Ryan waggled his knee in impatience and nervousness. "You don't have to pay for this." Ryan told him. Castle didn't look at him and completely ignored the statement.

The door opened and a tall Black man with greying hair, stood in the doorway. "Kevin Ryan?" He had a deep, kind voice. Ryan and Castle stood up and shock the man's hands. "Dr Cater Burke." he introduced himself. "You must Richard Castle, the one I spoke on the phone correct?"

"That's me." Castle smiled softly.

"Pleasure to meet you."

"And you." Castle said politely.

Dr Burke smiled knowing full well Castle was just being polite and had no idea who he was. "So Kevin, you ready to come in?"

"Yeah." Ryan smiled and walked towards the door. He looked back at Castle question in his eyes.

"I'll be right here." Castle promised.

"Thank You."

Ryan walked into the room and looked around; it was a large room rectangle shaped room, with a large window on the right side, spilt into 12 small windows all opaque so it was hard to see through. A long table sat by the left wall with various papers placed on. There were two large comfy looking brown chairs sitting opposite each other in the middle of the room. A smaller coffee table sat by both chairs, each had a lamp on. The wall opposite the door held a book shelve full of book and tapes.

"Take a seat." Dr Burke offered motioning to the seat nearest to the door; Ryan sat down as the Dr took the seat opposite him. "So how has your day been?"

"Um...strange." Ryan said honestly.

"What do you mean by strange?"

"Well, I woke up expecting Castle to be angry at me but he wasn't. Neither was Beckett...Detective Kate Beckett. We're at team. Me, Beckett, Castle and now...Webber."

"Thomas Webber yes? He took over Javier Esposito, correct?"

Ryan frowned at the man, "How did you know?"

"Richard explained the major details on the phone last night." Dr Burke answered honestly.

"Ah. Alright."

"So your friends not being angry at you made the day strange?"

"Very."

"How so?"

"They were just...normal. If anything I was expecting them to keep watching me, Castle mighty follow me to the toilet or _something_."

"But they didn't?"

"No...They did watch me a little but less than I expected."

Castle paced in the waiting room ignoring the pain in his feet, when he had explained to Beckett why his feet hurt she looked really concerned and offered to take a look to make sure Alexis did a good job patching them up, but he refused knowing it was tickle too much.

He sat down on the hard sofa, but as the 2 hours went along he got restless. He made himself coffee from the small machine, but quickly threw it away vaguely wondering whether or not he should get a new coffee machine for them.

He paced some more.

The door finally opened and Ryan walked out first. Dr Burke shook his hand. "Thank You." Ryan said, "Um...do we make appointments here?"

"Give it a day or two and if you want to come back ring me. Richard has the number." Castle waved at them as he heard his name. He wasn't quite sure why he felt the need to wave but Dr Burke seemed to find it amusing and reached over to shake Castle's hand. "Could I get an autograph? My daughter loves your books."

"How about I'll bring a signed copy of Heat Rises? I can drop by at some point and bring it."

"That would be very kind. Thank You."

"No problem." Castle grinned, he loved pleasing fans. They left the building and climbed into the car. As Castle drove off he could have sworn it was Beckett's car going into the car park. He decided he must have imagined it and switched on the radio. He was dying to ask Ryan how it went but choose to let Ryan tell him if he wanted.

"It was...good. Very good actually."

"So you want to go back?" Castle asked relived that it was so good.

"I'll do what he said, think about it. But yes, I would like to, but...I can't expect you to keep paying for me."

"Expect it. Because I _can_ and I _will_." Ryan opened him mouth to argue but Castle quickly shhed him, "Ryan, I have the money. Money that I don't even _use_. I would prefer to use it to help a friend."

Ryan couldn't help the feeling that rushed into him about the man besides him. He's always known Castle was his friend, but this just felt _too_ much. At the same time Ryan loved it, he was _incredibly _glad Castle joined their little NYPD team.

Beckett drove into the car park, just in time for her therapy session. Was that Castle driving out? With Ryan in the passenger seat? Beckett parked her car and made her way into the building, she knocked on his office door and heard a 'come in Kate.' she opened the door and took the seat. "You just had Ryan?"

"It's against protocol to discuss patients to other patients. But I did meet Richard." Dr Burke said giving it away with a small smile.

Three weeks later Beckett walked into precinct and sat down by her desk, she looked over at Webber a few desk's down. The blonde man was smiling at something, "Happy?" Beckett asked as she set herself down getting ready to do paperwork unless a murder surfaced.

"Yep."

"You gonna tell me what about?"

"Ryan," Webber said eventually, "He asked if I wanted to go out for a drink tonight. Get to know each other properly."

Beckett blinked in surprise, "Wow." She felt a rush of joy that Ryan was finally wiggling to get to know his new partner.

A few minutes later Ryan walked in, Castle right behind limping slightly, his foot had been stomped on a couple of week ago and it exaggerated the pain.

Ryan was whistling as he took his seat by Webber, "Good morning."

"Morning." Webber replied barely hiding his glee at the fact his partner is talking to him now, including him as his partner.

"I'm assuming this is a good sign?" Beckett murmured to Castle as the writer handed her, her morning coffee.

"Very...he came out of therapy smiling yesterday. He hasn't told me about it."  
>"And you haven't asked?" Beckett said slight surprised humour in her voice.<p>

Castle shook his head with a small smile, "His choice if he wants to tell me. Despite how much I want to know..."

Castle set himself down and glanced towards Ryan, he and Webber were talking quietly.

Ryan walked into work feeling cheery; he couldn't stop himself whistling, he hadn't felt like this is too long. The therapy session yesterday was amazing. He couldn't thank Castle enough for paying for him.

In the session, he had rung Jenny. She was very willing to talk to him and he apologized and asked if she wanted to meet up and talk properly. She had accepted and they were meeting for lunch as long as work didn't stop him.  
>Then he rung Webber and asked if we wanted to go out after work for a drink. Get to know each other. Webber had been asking him to go out for a drink a lot since he joined up but every time Ryan refused, at first his excuse was Jenny then it was just being too tired. He knew it surprised the man but Webber accepted happily. It was about time he got to know his new partner. Ryan's smile faulted when he realized it was the first time he thought of Webber as his partner without faltering.<p>

"Good morning." Ryan had been making a conscience effort to talk to Webber now, he had started letting his partner in.

His partner.

He needed to get used to saying that, to himself as well as to others.

"Morning." Webber replied smiling with barely held glee. Ryan let himself smile at the fact that he had caused that joy, but then he felt guilty that he had made his partner think that he didn't like him.

They did paperwork to the annoyance of Castle who tried to leave but Beckett forced him to stay and help. They worked until 11:30 when Castle stood up and stretched, "Mmm, I'm starving. I'll go grab some take-away for lunch?" Beckett and Webber nodded in hope, "Chinese?"

"Sounds good, thanks Castle." Webber was grateful, Beckett smiled in thanks.

"No problem." Castle grinned putting on his coat glad to get away from the paperwork for a little while; he hated it but was very willing to do it for Beckett.

"Hey do you guys mind if I skip out on lunch?" Ryan asked pulling his own coat on.

"Sure, who you meeting?" Castle asked with obvious curiosity.

"Jenny." Ryan admitted causing the other two to grin.

"Get going you _primordial gas cloud_." Castle almost shouted.

"Wha-?" Ryan asked frowning in bewilderment at Castles insult. Was it an insult?

Castle shrugged, he wasn't even sure why he said such a strange insult, was it an insult? "Get going!" He repeated, screwing up a piece of paper and threw it at Ryan's head. Ryan dodged just in time. Webber hadn't been expecting Ryan to dodge and it hit him on his nose. Castle quickly turned away attempting and failing to hide his laugh, even Beckett chucked at the shock on Webber's face. Webber picked it up and threw it back at Castle a grin on his face. Castle jumped when it hit him on the back of the head.

"Now it's on!" Castle yelled screwing up another piece of paper.

"No...no..." Beckett pulled the paper out of the air as it flew past her. Castle visibly deflated in disappointment, but he was still grinning.

"Right...I'll see you later. Call if you need me." Ryan said with an amused smile as he walked towards the elevator. Castle followed him so he could get lunch for the others.

"Only if the world is about to explode." Beckett promised Ryan.

**AN: I've got no experience of Therapy so I apologize if that is the wrong way for a physicist to act or how therapy goes.**


	6. I think I wanna Marry You!

Ryan sat down in Nero's pizza place. Jenny and he decided to meet there for lunch. He looked around nervously every time the door opened, he had no idea what to say or do, he loved Jenny and felt like an idiot breaking it off with her and hoped she'll forgive him. Finally Jenny walked in looking just as nervous as he felt. He noticed that she was still wearing her engagement ring and was fiddling with it as she sat down. "Hi." Jenny said.

"Hello." Ryan smiled back at her. "How are you?" It was all he could think of to say.

"I'm...getting better." Jenny admitted looking at the table.

"Me too." Ryan confessed before taking a deep breath, "3 weeks ago...I almost..." he faulted and Jenny looked at him curiously and worried, he struggled to keep eye contact. "I almost topped myself..."

Jenny gasped, "What? _Why_?" she yelled loudly that half the restaurant looked towards them, "Sorry..." she murmured quietly looking down in embarrassment, Ryan chuckled in amusement before turning serious.

"I don't know...I just felt so..._depressed_, Castle booked a physiatrist for me and...He's good. _Very_ good actually, and I'm starting to feel more like myself again.

"That's brilliant." Jenny wasn't sure what to say to that. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too...I still love you Jenny. I never stopped, I just...it made sense for us _not_ to be together. Until now at least, thinking about it I regret it, I was _stupid_ and didn't think about it. I If you want, we can continue where we left off?"

"I'd love to Kevin." Ryan lent forward hopefully and Jenny met him in the middle for a soft but passionate kiss.

The rest of the day was quiet, they all caught up on paperwork, it hit 5 and Beckett and Castle both glanced at each other before standing up. "We'll see you guys tomorrow?" Beckett said. Both men nodded distractedly not really listening, but then Ryan glanced up.

"Will you be in tonight?"

"Not sure, but Alexis and Mother should be in." Castle replied. "I've texted them letting them know I'll be late."

"Alright." Ryan said with a smile. He glanced between the detective and writer as he realized what was going on, he struggling to hold in his grin. They both looked nervous and unsure but they were stood closer than normal, their hands almost twitching to grab the others. As soon as they left, together Ryan smirked; "_Finally_!" he stated grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"What?" Webber asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Castle and Beckett. They're going on a _date_!"

"How'd you know?" Webber asked with a frown.

"Their whole demeanour, detective skills are quite useful." Ryan poked gentle smiling, Webber rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't looking at them." Webber admitted and Ryan chuckled.

"I'll get it out of Castle tonight, but this...it's been hanging on them since they _met_. It's about time. Javier would have loved to have seen this!" Ryan's smile immediately switched to a frown. That was the first time he had said his partners name without wanting to cry. Webber watched him carefully, waiting out Ryan's reaction. Taking a small breath Ryan pulled the smile back onto his face. "You ready for _our_ date bro?" Ryan winked at the blonde man.

Webber chuckled happily; he was surprised at the term of endearment after Ryan barely speaking to him, not seeming to even want him there, "I'll just go sign out my gun. See ya in a mo?" he said without mention it.

"Sure." Ryan pulled on his coat and then followed to sign out his own gun.

The two men walked into the Old Haunt, on the way there Ryan had explained everything that had happened with this building and how Castle ended up owning it.

Ryan went straight to his and Javier's usual booth and frowned when Webber sat in Javier's seat but didn't say anything. "So what you drinking?"

The two detectives talked for hours, drinking more and more. Ryan told him about some of the stranger cases and about the time New York was almost blown up and Castle saved them. He also spoke about his time in Narcotics. Webber told him that he had come to Homicide from Narcotics and they laughed realizing they had worked in the same place and Webber knew some of Ryan's old friends.

Ryan found out Webber was interested in Media and photography. He has considered becoming a teacher before he realized he wasn't fond of teenagers. "So instead of working with teenagers you started working with drug dealers and murderers?" Ryan asked humour evident in his voice.

"Well...when put that way..." Webber chuckled.

They fell silent for a few minutes until Webber looked up at Ryan and spoke up hesitantly. "What was...Esposito like?" Ryan immediately looked down at his beer, staring into the foamy goodness. Webber opened his mouth to change the subject but Ryan spoke first.

"He was..._brilliant_. When I first got the job, he was...like me, hesitant to have another partner, Ike, his partner before me had been killed, or so he thought, but that's a story for another day. But after a week or so of my joining the group, he invited me to play Madden at his place. It somehow became a weekly thing, we became...close, very close. A few people thought we were gay, but we weren't. We were _closer_ than that. Brothers. We even squabbled like brothers." Ryan trailed off for a minute before smiling and laughing, "We bumped into my school bully a few years ago, he wasn't even connected to the murder but he knew the Victim, Javi found a reason to bring him in and terrified the poor man. He was lucky Montgomery didn't fire him."

"Montgomery?" Webber asked softly.

"Our boss, Captain. Before Gates, if we had Gates at that point Espo would have been fired for sure. But Roy was very...lenient whenever he could get away with it."

"What happened?"

"He was...killed a year ago." Ryan's tone showed he would not go any more into it and Webber accepted that.

"Did...Esposito have any family?" Webber asked changing the subject away from Montgomery.

"4 years ago his parents and grandmother died in a car crash." Ryan answered simply, "His grandmother had a small coffee table since Javi was little, and he refused to get rid of it. I've got it now, as long as Jenny didn't get rid of it."

"Your fiancé?" Webber confirmed. "How did it go with her earlier?"

"Yeah, it went... magnificently, we're continuing where we left off, but pushing the actual wedding back a few months. Give us time to...work everything out."

"That's brilliant. Castle as your best man I'm assuming? Or do you have a brother, dad or something?"

Ryan frowned for a minute before nodding, "My dad lives in Ireland, got me mum and sisters but they can't be my best _man_. Jenny wants her cousin or something, but I convinced her to allow Javi...I was gonna tell him that night."

"Was he married or anything?"

"He and Lanie were sort of together."

"Lanie? Huh, not that surprising I guess, I can see it." Webber mumbled almost to himself, "What do you mean 'sort of together'?"

"We-Javi, Lanie, Jenny and I went on a double date. It was good, until Jenny asked them when _they_ were getting married. They had a bit of an argument...just started to get it back together when..." Ryan sighed quietly, "So what about you, girlfriend? _Boy_friend? I don't judge."

Webber smiled, "No one at the moment. Still searching for the right _woman_." Webber put a slight emphasis on woman bringing a grin from Ryan.

"How old are you?" Ryan asked suddenly and seemingly randomly.

"25, why?"

"Ah, just wondering. It's strange having someone younger than me as my partner. I'm used to being the youngest."

"How old are you? And the others?"

"30. Esposito was only a year older at 31. Beckett's...32 or 33 I think. Not sure about Castle. Bit older I think, Alexis-his daughter is like 17 or 18 so I'm assuming Castle is in maybe...his early 40's."

"How did he actually end up joining you?"

Ryan grinned, "You read his books right?" Webber nodded, "Somebody recreated the death scene in...Flowers for your Grave I think it's called and rt." Webber winced remembering the detailed death scene, "So of course he was a suspect but he had an alibi and decided to help us with the case despite Beckett's insistence that he can't, but encase you haven't noticed...Castle is _very_ stubborn when he wants to be and will not listen to orders unless it's _serious_. Then he came up with Nikki Heat and decided he needed _research_ for it. Thus became our strange partnership with the author." Ryan grinned, "Beckett's a _huge_ fan but she refuses to admit it, even after knowing him for a few years."

"Does he know this?"

"He suspects."

"Did you get along with him immediately?" Webber asked.

"Javi and I weren't sure about him at first, he's like a child who had too many e-numbers _all the time_, expect when it's important. But we got used to him and soon we became close, can't imagine trying to get through _this_ without him. I can't imagine the 12th without him anymore." Ryan looked sadly at the table knowing anything could happen with Castle as it did with Esposito.

"My round?" Webber asked standing, he sensed that it was time to change the subject. They spent the rest of the night talking and laughing.

Ryan walked into Castle place later that night to find Alexis sitting on the sofa typing furiously, "Alright?" he sat sitting next to her.

"Mm Hmm." Alexis said distractedly.

"Studying?"

"Yep."

"Tomorrow's Saturday right?" Ryan asked suddenly pushing Alexis' train of thought completely off the rails.

"Yeah?" Alexis looked up at him and couldn't stop herself from smiling when she realized that Ryan looked relaxed and happy for the first time in a while.

"Pending world ending distress, why don't we go out to lunch?" Ryan offered, "Not as a date." he added quickly as Alexis' eyes widened and he realized what she was thinking. "I'll invite Webber. About time you met him."

"Sure. That sounds nice." Alexis smiled at him unaware of the plan forming in his head. They had gotten quite close since he started living with them in the past few weeks. "Where's Dad?"

"He went out with Beckett after work. He should be home soon."

"Ah alright."

As if called by his name the door opened and Castle walked in, "Hello?" he was smiling.

"Fun date?" Ryan asked. Castle looked towards them and his eyes went straight to Ryan's arm which was around Alexis' shoulders. Both Ryan and Alexis glanced at his arm both wondering when it got there.

"Date?" Castle played dumb. "What date?"

"With Beckett?" Ryan prompted.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Ah alright. I won't tell you what she told me yesterday then." Alexis commented faintly.

"She told you something?" Castle asked immediately curious.

"I don't know what you mean." Alexis repeated her father's words.

Castle rolled his eyes, "It was really..._really_ nice."

"Kiss at the door?" Ryan pressed, Castle blushed and looked away from them.

"I'm not one to kiss and tell." Both Ryan and Alexis snorted in disbelief.

"So yes?" Alexis asked, her eyes twinkling in amusement and joy. She liked Beckett a lot and knew if her Father and Beckett got together they would stay together and be the perfect Wife for Castle.

Castle rolled his eyes again, "So what did she tell you?"

"When would I get a chance to speak to her?" Alexis said with humour in her voice. Castle frowned and then realized he'd been played.

"I'm so getting you back for that!" Castle promised.

"I look forward to it Father." With that Alexis stood up, hugged Ryan, kissed her dads cheek and said goodnight before wandering up the stairs.

Ryan and Webber walked into Ritacza, the small café not far from the precinct. Alexis was already there sitting at a table. "Ah, Alexis. This is Thomas Webber, Webber. This is Alexis Castle. Rick's daughter."

"Uh...hey?" Alexis stared at the blonde man unable to look away. Ryan struggled to hold back a grin. "I'm Alexis Castle. Rick's daughter." Alexis repeated Ryan's words, "You know Richard Castle? The writer works with you? You know him course you do...I'm babbling aren't I?" Alexis stopped, looking embarrassed.

"Thomas Webber." Webber said not commenting on her babbling moment, he was staring back at her. "I like your eyes." he didn't realize he had spoken until too late and blushed slightly but didn't take back his statement.

"Uh...thank you." Alexis went as red as her hair and looked down in embarrassment, but a small smile was clear on her face.

"Kevin Ryan." Ryan added suddenly feeling like a third wheel but he didn't mind so much finding the two amusing to watch. This was his plan after all. "So what are we drinking? I'll get the first rounds?"

"Cola." Alexis said without looking at him.

"Same." Webber added.

"3 Colas." Ryan murmured walking towards the bar to order the drinks before bringing them over, he sat down and listened at the two talking among themselves, getting to know each other. They seemed to forget Ryan was there. He didn't care, he was pleased. Both Alexis and Webber looked like they were the perfect couple, Ryan felt glad to be the one to introduce them.

They just looked towards their menus when Ryan's phone rang, "Mind if I get this?" he asked. Both Alexis and Webber shook their head gesturing for him to answer. "Ryan?"

"Kevin. It's Jenny, you asked me to ring you now and to play along?"

"I'm at lunch with Alexis and Webber."

"Huh? Nice to know?"

"Alright. I'll be right there." With that Ryan cut off his phone leaving a very confused Jenny on the other end. "That was Jenny, she wants to talk, if it alright if I rush off?"

"Go ahead. Your Fiancé is important." Alexis told him, smiling as if she knew _exactly_ what Ryan had done. Ryan winked at her and Webber frowned not understanding straight away.

"Alright. See you later." Ryan quickly left the café and made his way around the corner before ringing Jenny back. She answered immediately.

"Kevin? What was that about?" Jenny asked as soon as she answered.

"Just playing the _love-Doctor_. Needed and excuse to get Alexis and Webber be alone together for Lunch." Ryan explained calmly.

"Right...isn't she a minor?"

"17, she'll be 18 next Month I think, but it's fine if they're friends until then, I'm friends with Alexis. They seemed to get on quite well." Ryan grinned through the phone, "Since I've got the next hour free, do you want to meet?"

"Come back to our flat?" Jenny asked. Ryan loved how she worded it, 'our flat'. He knew it was but it still felt good for her to say it, especially after everything that had happened.

Ryan stood at the front watching his beautiful wife walking towards him in the most beautiful dress he had ever seen. Castle stood by his side as his Best Man. Ryan wished that was Esposito but there was nothing he could do about it. It had been 8 Months and he missed his partner like hell but right now was not the time to think about it as Jenny joined his side.

"You have your own vows am I correct?" The minister asked a few minutes later. They both nodded not taking their eyes off each other.

Jenny started taking a deep breath, "Kevin Ryan, I love you. I couldn't have asked for a better man. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Yes, we've been through rough times but we've always bounced back. When we met in the store, I knew you were the _one_. You bought that _stupid_ tie because I said it suited you." Jenny touched the tie he was wearing. He had to wear it for the day. "I thought you had cheated on me with an actress but you didn't, you _wouldn't_! You went to ask my parents for my hand in marriage. I was just a _bit _wrong...when you proposed...I...I just was gobsmacked. I would never want anyone expect you Kevin. _I love you_. I promise to love and cherish you forever no matter what."

Ryan took in his own breathe before saying his vows, "Jenifer Scout Duffy-O'Malley. I love you. I love you so much I can't put it into words. When...When I lost Javier all those months ago, I thought I would never be the same. I fell into depression. But although I stupidly left you I still held onto you. I _refused_ to let go. You were the one keeping me here even if you didn't know it, even though I didn't really know it. Without you..." Ryan trailed off for a moment. "I don't know where I'd be right now. I love you Jenny. If we weren't already here, I would ask you to marry me right here right now. _I love you_. I promise to stay with you for the rest of our days and never be a stupid idiot like I was. I promise to love you and stay by your side forever and ever."

"I do."

"I do."

They lent forward, lips meeting in the middle. Nothing around him felt real, it was just him and his wife. Jennifer Ryan. Mrs Ryan.

He sat up at the head table looking around as they ate the Wedding breakfast. Jenny was at his right and Castle at his left.

Next to Castle sat Beckett, they were finally open about their relationship they had even been on double dates. This time Jenny knew it best not to mention weddings. Castle was worried about telling Alexis, but Ryan told him Alexis will be glad. She was, very glad, the moment she found out they had become public she squeal so loud it hurt everyone's ears and hugged both Beckett and Castle.

Next to Beckett sat Alexis who had always gotten along very well, but since Beckett and Castle had become public, they have also been getting closer.

Next to Alexis sat Webber. They weren't open about their relationship but Ryan and Jenny knew. Beckett most likely knew, she's a detective, she notices these things. Castle was blissfully unaware, whether this is by choice or not didn't matter; although now Alexis is 18 it was legal so he expected they would tell Castle soon.

Ryan turned his eyes to his wife. "I love you Mrs Ryan." he whispered.

"I love you too Mr Ryan." Jenny whispered back kissing him softly.


	7. Epilogue

A year.

It had been a full year since that day.

A year since his best friend was shot and killed.

Ryan took the day off ignoring the looks of pity from Captain Gates. He couldn't stand pity, Castle patted his shoulder, Beckett gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek whispering "Say hello to him from me." And Webber just glanced up smiled slightly sympathetically before looking back at his computer without saying anything. Ryan was glad for that, Webber could always seem to sense his mood, know when to stay quiet or when to speak up.

Sighing, Ryan climbed in his car and drove towards the Graveyard. He parked a hundred or so yards away, preferring to walk the rest of the way.

He lightly placed flowers on Montgomery's grave murmuring a "Miss you Cap'n." He carefully patted the top of the grave smiling sadly.

Just down the aisle sat another grave.

**Javier Esposito.  
><strong>

Ryan lent down and followed the letters with his finger.

Javier Esposito  
>Son<br>Partner  
>Friend<br>Solider  
>Detective<br>Born: October 23rd 1976  
>Died: January 8th 2012<br>At the sad young age of 35.  
><strong>'Partners until the wheels fall off.<strong>  
><strong>Even Afterwards.'<strong>

Ryan stared at the words at the bottom of the grave; he had gotten that inscription added only a few months ago, after the wedding. He felt it was needed.

"I miss you bro." Ryan whispered. "I miss your sarcastic comments and the way you would disagree with _everything_ I say. I miss the annoying way you would greet everyone with 'Yo'. I miss our Madden nights. I played Madden with Castle a few nights ago. First time I had played it since our last game. I beat him, _epically_." Ryan laughed lightly, "I never won; you were always _brilliant_ at the game, although don't tell anyone I said that." Ryan chuckled as he could imagine Esposito replying with 'your secret's safe with me bro.' Not a funny reply, but a reply he would never again hear out loud and Ryan knew if he didn't laugh he would cry so he choose the easier option. "The world didn't end in 2012. You owe me a dollar." His voice broke as he said the last words, he couldn't hold the tears back any longer and allowed them to fall, "The wheels may have fallen off, but we're still Partners, you got that? I'm still with you. I stood with you since I joined the 12th and I aint leaving you got that bro? I aint leaving our spot. Neither have you." Ryan didn't know how long he knelt there, just _staring_ at the grave as memory after memory hit him tears streamed down his face, happy tears and sad tears, tears of joy and happiness, tears of loneliness and sorrow, tears he struggled to keep at bay, just letting them slide down his cheeks onto the ground, as silent as the grave before him.

Sensing someone watching him Ryan looked up and saw Alexis leaning against a tree a few hundred or so feet away. Ryan slowly stood up, "See you bro." He whispered lightly placing and hand on the grave before walking towards Alexis.

When he reached her neither of them said anything, she just pulled him into a silent hug.

They stayed like that for a while as Ryan thought about the past year. It had been a hard year.

A _very_ hard year.

But it was over. He was married, he had a good job, brilliant friends, and Castle didn't kill Webber when he found out about Alexis and him.  
>Ryan smiled.<p>

He would always grieve for Esposito, he missed him like crazy but he could deal.

Esposito would kill him if he didn't.


End file.
